How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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