I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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