Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
