I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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