Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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