You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
