I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
not ubering you a puppy
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
