There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
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