your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
