i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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