I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The best revenge is premature balding
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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