Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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