i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
