We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
