i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
