Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
