good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
