I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
