ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
