this just has baby written all over it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
