eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
