I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
