New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
