Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i will never coherently bang her
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
