the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
