The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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