The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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