My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
