does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
