I wish my penis had an off switch
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
