Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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