also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
