we have officially lost it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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