If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
