come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
