end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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