Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
