Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
