The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
