Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
