I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
