"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
