is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
