i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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