I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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