you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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