white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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