Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
