I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My vagina just clenched in fear
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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