I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
