No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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