Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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