dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
