i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
