finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
