I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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