My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We are all done wearing pants today
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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