I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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