I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
