Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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